June 19, 2011

I am not my father

This is my very first Father's day as a father, and I cannot help but feel distant from the title. Marty is now only 2 months old, so it is not like it I should be more used to it. However, when I think of myself as a father, I think of my own father, and how different we are.

Probably the strangest thought that I have had so far was thinking that I wasn't big enough. Yesterday I got up out of bed and heard Marty in the next room crying and I thought, "I'm his father. Wait, I can't be his father. I'm not tall enough" I would like to reiterate that I had just gotten out of bed. I immediately saw the foolishness in the thought and had a good chuckle at myself.

But I found that the root of it was memories of looking up at my Dad. I mean literally looking up at him. I think there is still this part of me that hasn't come to terms with being an adult yet. This whole father thing is really challenging that part of myself, something that I thought I had already put to bed years ago (Get it? Putting my inner child to bed? Eh... never mind). I have always been told that having a child matures you very quickly, and I think I am just beginning to see why.

1 comment:

Anticipated Serendipity said...

all I can say to this is "awwwww"